Do you ever stop to think before you post every photo on social media, think twice before talking about your opinions in a group? Do you take longer time in thinking “what are people going to say?” than dressing up as you go to any event? Do you have that loud little voice in you that asks you be safe, not do anything too different, that asks you not to shake the bottle of life too much and reminds you “what will people think?” That voice is what psychologist call ‘the inner critic’. This inner critic was not formed in a day, it is modelled since childhood. Every word of criticism, insult, expectation every word of praise has its role in crafting this inner critic.
The birth of this internalized critic is not overnight. It buds from childhood. It originates from all the criticism, judgement, insults, expectation. It originates when one begins to associates being accepted to being good. This inner critic grows into a more dominant and prominent as we grow up feeding on more and more judgements. When a child is shamed for expressing strong emotions, punished for not fitting in, or rewarded only for performance they learn, being myself isn’t safe. Being accepted means being good. This in turn leads to the internalized critic judging and making them self-aware even before the external judgement arrive. This internal voice sounds like “don’t do this”, “you’ll embarrass yourself”, “You cannot do this”. “You are not good enough”. Although this looks like humility, or being practical it’s just a defense mechanism to protect you from the perceived judgement.
What does this internal critic fear? The judgements of people, the fear that one will be seen, judged and considered lacking. This fear is very common in human beings, as the acceptance from fellow members have been crucial since evolution.
But when does this critic become an issue? It becomes a matter of concern when it begins to silence our voice, close up the dams of creativity, alter who we really are and damages our self- esteem. This leads to shaping of a self that is made up of what we fear than what we are.
The psychological toll for this internalized critic is prominent, it leads to anxiety, perfectionism, emotional exhaustion, difficulty in forming relationships, a nagging sense of self.
Is the solution to shut off this critic completely? No! because tis critic was created to protect us and it does do justice to its duties. The key is not to let it control you. The goal is to identify it, challenge It and accept it. Here are some ways you can manage your inner critic.
- Catch yourself: Every time you have a thought, catch yourself and say “this is my internalized critic again!”
- Challenge your critic: Ask yourself what will happen if I fail”? what will happen if I do this the wrong the way?
- Develop self- compassion: Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself just like you would to your friend with the same thoughts.
- Start expressing yourself authentically: Start small, wear that dress, voice out that opinion, wear your hair you have always wanted.
- Find Safe Spaces: Surround yourself with people who celebrate, not shame, your authenticity.
Being seen without judgment can heal the wounds that created the critic in the first place. Remember this critic was created to protect you not to control you. It doesn’t matter if everyone likes you, you don’t need to fit in always. You don’t have to be perfect always. All that matters is you being comfortable in your shoes and living carefree and happy.
