Social media was develop to connect people but is it really just connecting people? It is now becoming a platform for comparisons, competitions and platform deciding many women’s self worth. It is a mirror for many people, a mirror that shows how they aren’t good enough like the others online. Lets look at why we end up comparing ourselves.
Social comparison is a natural cognitive process. We evaluate ourselves in relation to others to understand where we stand, learn, or feel connected. This is usually to let us learn and grow but digital comparison is just somehow pulling us into a loop od criticism, comparison and lowering self worth. But why is social media able to affect us so much?
- Constant exposure to idealized images of success, beauty, and lifestyles
- Algorithms that prioritize content based on engagement—not reality
- The illusion that everyone else is happier, more productive, more attractive
CBT views such thoughts as automated thoughts, that are usually distorted leading to feelings of worthlessness, depression , envy, and much more
Comparisons that just start with simple things usually then start manifesting into things like,
- “I’m not as successful as they are.”
- “Why can’t I look like that?”
- “I’m falling behind in life.”
These thoughts stem from core beliefs—longstanding ideas we hold about ourselves (e.g., “I’m not good enough,” “I must be perfect to be accepted”). Social media serves as a trigger that activates these beliefs and makes them louder.
What we see online is rarely the full picture. Filters, cropping, carefully selected captions, and highlight reels distort reality. Yet our minds respond to these images as though they are real, leading to cognitive distortions like:
- All-or-nothing thinking (“If I don’t look like that, I’m a failure.”)
- Catastrophizing (“Everyone is more successful. I’ll never catch up.”)
- Personalization (“They’re happy because they’re better than me.”)
CBT provides ways to escape this loop of self -criticism. Some of the ways are:
1. Awareness of Thought Patterns
Identifying your thoughts emotions is very important. Try to maintain a journal or an thought diary and identify:
- Triggers (what post or image affected you?)
- Automatic thoughts: what are thoughts it triggered
- Emotional and behavioral reactions
2. Cognitive Restructuring
Once you identify unhelpful thoughts, challenge them:
- What evidence do I have that this thought is true?
- Am I comparing my behind-the-scenes to someone’s highlight reel?
- What would I say to a friend having this thought?
Try to replace your negative thoughts with more neutral thoughts for example, “I am not enough like her” can be replaced by “I am trying my best and I am doing well for myself”
3. Limiting Exposure
Set intentional boundaries with social media, try to unfollow anything that you feels triggers you. Set time limits on the apps.
4. Practicing Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself, whenever you catch yourself saying harsh things about yourself, try to change it into kind compassionate words.
At the end of the day it’s just you. Accept that a few likes, an algorithm doesn’t decide your worth. And cbt highlights how any thought or belief can be changed and restructured .
Take a moment to be kind to yourself everyday.